This post is supposed to be about giving the gents some fashion love after three articles of women’s Oscar fashion, but I’m distracted right now by the fact that Jeff Bridges just won an Oscar. I think his win may be the only time I’ve ever actually cheered out loud for one of these awards ceremonies like I was watching a sporting event.
On to the fashion crap.
Pretty much every man ever wears the same thing to the Oscars- black tuxedo with some variation of tie and shoes. There’s not a lot to see there. Robert Downey Jr. took a slight break from the standard by pairing his with sneakers, a blue bowtie and some shades. Eli Roth had smugness for an accessory that translated into some hilarious red carpet photographs, and George Clooney’s best accessory was the gorgeous brunette whom he joked couldn’t speak English.
But who really cares about all that? Jeff Bridges is a freakin Academy Award winner! Less than one minute after the win, someone has already updated his Wikipedia entry. Since I can’t do that, here are some celebratory tweets by clever people:
@Squirrellqueen : That Oscar will really tie the room together.
@thats_so_april : If Jeff Bridges doesn’t remind you of your dad just a little bit then, well, sorry about your dad.
@leolaporte : Sometimes you eat the bar, and sometimes you win an Oscar.
@rilaws : When Jeff Bridges opens his mouth, po’ boys and jars of beer come tumbling out.
OMG, you guys! I can’t believe I almost forgot! Today’s the day that all of us horndog 20-and-30 something women and gay men have been waiting for… Taylor Lautner’s 18th Birthday! You know, that means that it’s legal for us to have sex with him in any state in the US AND he has complete control over his own finances. And he can buy cigarettes and porn! For you those of you who are still flustered by the image above, let me make it more clear: Now, no matter where you are in the United States, if Taylor Lautner is also there and sexually interested in you and wants to buy cigarettes and watch porn with you while paying for the whole thing on his credit card, it’s all fine and legal.
Writing that made me feel really sleazy and uncomfortable, BTW.
I found you guys a little sneak peak of Taylor Swift in Valentine’s Day (which pretty much everyone working in Hollywood is in) and you know what? Her acting’s not offensive. In fact, she’s kinda cute and funny. Also, this clip features a split second or two of Taylor Lautner and mmm mmm, child, I do not hate that. I didn’t expect much from Little Miss Perfect in the acting department, but I can tell she’ll be a source of LOLs when I get dragged to the theater to see this. And she’s wearing short shorts! She really is acting!
The sound you hear is the panicked screaming of eight million Twihards. But settle down spazatrons, because Taylor Lautner isn’t actually dead. From E!:
In a career milestone achieved by only a select few (and Jaleel White), Twilight Saga star Taylor Lautner has become the victim of his very own Internet death hoax.
Take that, Robert Pattinson.
No, Lautner’s not really dead. A rep for Summit Entertainment tells E! News, “I am almost 100-percent positive this is a hoax.” (After double-checking with the home office in Hollywood, the rep confirmed this was indeed a hoax.)
Besides, unless our favorite werewolf doubles as a zombie, he’ll be presenting in the flesh at Sunday’s Golden Globe Awards, organizers announced today.
Well, that’s a shame. Now that Taylor & Taylor Time got canceled, I have no use at all for Taylor Lautner so he may as well be dead for realsies. His demise would probably cause heart attacks in at least half of those creepy Twimums, so it would be an humanitarian effort, really.
So… The Taylors broke up. I guess that’s sad for them or something, but listen, this is really all about me and how displeased I am that we can’t have Taylor & Taylor Time anymore. Because it’s creepy and hilarious when people with the same name date each other, and I am easily amused. Whatever. Anyway, from Us:
So much for the two Taylors finding love.
After three months of dating, country singer Taylor Swift and New Moon star Taylor Lautner have split, UsMagazine.com has learned.
“It wasn’t really developing into anything, and wasn’t going to, so they decided they were better as friends,” a source close to Swift, 20, tells Us. “There was no chemistry.”
The pair — who met on the set of the romantic comedy Valentine’s Day — first sparked rumors of a romance when she hugged him at her October 9 concert in Rosemont, Illinois. They have since been spotted on several wholesome dates — like their frozen yogurt date at Menchie’s alongside Swift’s mom earlier this month — and have each coyly alluded to their relationship on separate Saturday Night Live hosting gigs.
However, the relationship officially fizzled when Lautner, 17, flew to Nashville for Swift’s birthday party on Dec. 13, a friend of the singer reveals.
“He liked her more than she liked him,” the source tells Us. “He went everywhere he could to see her, but she didn’t travel much to see him.”
Lucky for Lautner, the split won’t inspire angry songs like those written about ex Joe Jonas — who dumped Swift during a 27-second phone call in 2008.
“They plan to stay friends,” the source says.
In fact, Swift — whose friend says she is a “hopeless romantic” who “wants everything she writes about” in her songs — will likely reunite with the Twilight hunk when they begin promoting Valentine’s Day, out Feb. 12.
What? I’m sorry, I fell asleep. Jesus, these two are boring. No wonder Taylor & Taylor Time got canceled. I like Taylor Swift though, so if we can just find another Taylor for her to date then we can still have Taylor & Taylor Time. It’ll be just like when they switched Darrins on “Bewitched”.
Taylor Lautner hosted SNL last night, and as a bookend to Taylor Swift’s opening monologue last month, boy Taylor also decided to take a stab at Kanye West….
…And it was the lamest lame of lame lameness ever, and I’m a little angry at all of you for liking Taylor Lautner so much and indirectly forcing me to watch that.
Taylor Lautner, professional hot teenage boy, is about to be all over place even more in just about a minute (I saw his face on a tote bag at Blockbuster Friday night. I feel like I’m swimming in Lautner as it is. I don’t hate it.) and his next role is entirely different than what we’ve seen him do in Twilight. He will, however, remain shirtless, which is really all that matters. From JustJared:
Twilight’s Taylor Lautner has been cast as the superhero Max Steel.
Deadline reports the 17-year-old will play a “19-year-old extreme sports junkie recruited by a secret agency after an accident infects his body, leaving him with superhuman powers.” Let’s hope this isn’t another Speed Racer!
I’m sure that Taylor will hold the interest of Twlight fanatics long enough to have a successful run as Max Steel, at least as far as the box office is concerned. Whether or not Lautner has the chops to take on such a role is yet to be determined.
Hey y’all, it’s Taylor & Taylor Time! Just what the hell is Taylor & Taylor Time, you ask? Well, it’s what happens when the whole world is being dumb and boring and we kill some time by checking in with Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner. Today’s episode of Taylor & Taylor Time is entitled, “Let’s Stand Around and Eat Frozen Yogurt”. Try to contain your excitement!
“There’s tons of fans and we hear all of these high pitch voices and we hear ‘Rah, rah, Taylor, Taylor!’ All of a sudden I hear this deep voice behind me: ‘Taylor, Taylor!’ …. And this guy walks up to me and he goes ‘Hey … my daughter is a huge fan, and I’m a huge fan is there any way I can get a picture with you. I’m Jamie Foxx.’ I was like, ‘Are you kidding me? Can I get a picture with you?’”
– Taylor Lautner on George Lopez’s talk show, sounding surprised that even Jamie Foxx wants a piece of his hotness.
Well, that New Moon crap opened up this weekend and everyone’s seeing it/talking about it/talking about seeing it. I sat with a group of 20-somethings over a business brunch just an hour or so ago and all we talked about is mother freaking vampires and I’m just sitting there like “Did anyone have sex this weekend? Where’s my bacon? Are there any movies out without fantastical creatures in them, because I’m about to kill myself if I have to hear one more word about werewolves and vampires. Seriously. You see this butter knife? I am a woman on the edge. I could cause some serious damage, you guys.”
There’s an US Weekly headline up right now that says the following: “New Moon Has Third-Biggest Opening Weekend in Film History”. That’s supposed to be impressive and show all of us what a hugely popular franchise it is, I suppose. Maybe it really is just that popular. But here’s a fun tip: That movie played in every theater in America this weekend, and the number of screens a movie plays on is a huge factor in how much it brings in at the box office. Any time a movie “like this” comes out it sets records because if you live in Bumbleboo, Indiana, that’s the only movie that’s out in your theater right now.
Perhaps it’s just my complete and utter hatred for all things fantasy that’s making me want to blow away the smoke and smash the mirrors, but I’m hearing this movie sucks. I can’t believe that I’m going to have to hear about Twilight and Twilight-related things for the next year or two of my life. Harry Potter? He was fine. I’ll take Harry. Delightful boy.
I will tell you this, though: I, much like Sasha, would kidnap that 17 year old Taylor Lautner and keep him in my apartment until he is of legal age for me to do terrible things to him.
