Sarah Jessica Parker

Oscars Worst Dressed

March 8th, 2010 at 12:25pm Under Celebrity News

I don’t know why the hell Nicole Richie would have been invited to the Oscars, given that “The Simple Life” was her greatest acting accolade to date, but you can guaran-damn-tee she won’t be invited back after showing up in this hot mess of a Reem Acra dress. Just think of how many early seventies sofas had to be massacred to make that frock. And then how many Bedazzlers had to give their beaded lives to try to make the dress not look like it was scalped from the couch in your meemaw’s basement. It’s just a colossal waste of upholstery and appliqué any way you cut it.

The rest of the worst-dressed after the jump.

And now, from Marchesa’s cauliflower-ear collection — Vera Farmiga:

Miley Cyrus’ Jenny Packham dress isn’t the problem; it’s her sudden case of hunchback-itis. Plus I hate her:

Far be it from me to knock the Godfather of Fashion, so I’ll just assume it’s Sarah Jessica Parker’s fault this Chanel Haute Couture looks so hideous and shapeless:

I like boobs. I like cinnamon rolls. I like Charlize Theron. However, I do not like the combination of all three in this Dior:

Amanda Seyfried’s Armani Prive dress is boring and uninspired. Much like Amanda Seyfried. From a distance, it almost looks like bubble wrap.

Diane Kruger’s Chanel sheath is so structurally incongruent and unflattering. It looks like somebody stuffed some old bedsheets in a leaf shredder and added some ruching and feathers as a last-ditch Hail Mary to save the dress:

Rachel McAdams’ Elie Saab dress proves Scarlett O’Hara isn’t the only girl who can make a dress out of curtains. In this case, out of late eighties beach house curtains:

Givenchy obviously drew inspiration for Zoe Saldana’s dress from those paper flowers you see at hat dances and cock fights or whatever it is Mexicans do when they aren’t crossing the border illegally:

Carey Mulligan’s Prada dress is very cutting edge. Because there’s tiny scissors on it. FAIL:

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer Griffin Online

The Oscars – The Dresses (Part III)

March 7th, 2010 at 08:56pm Under Celebrity News

I happen to adore Elizabeth Banks’ elegant grey dress (above). It should be noted, however, that the opinions expressed in this article and the two previous ones are not necessarily the opinions of Evilbeet.com. Sasha’s take on the gown? “Love Eilzabeth Banks. Haaaate her dress.”
Nicole Richie wore a beaded snuggie that showed off her back tatoos and Jennifer Lopez showed up wrapped in a mattress pad. I wonder if she and Amanda Seyfried had it out backstage; they’re pretty much wearing mirror images of the same roll of two-ply toilet paper.

Sarah Jessica Parker was there, but as usual, I can’t figure out whether she looks gorgeous and glamorous, or like a fashion victim with a hangover.

Also in this group: Tina Fey, Stana Katic, Queen Latifah, Monique, Molly Ringwald, Mariska Hargitay, Jane Seymour, and Super Classy Bitch Helen Mirren.

Tags: Elizabeth Banks, Helen Mirren, Jane Seymour, Jennifer Lopez, joel madden, Mariska Hargitay, Mo'Nique, Molly Ringwald, nicole richie, queen latifah, Sarah Jessica Parker, Stana Katic, Tina Fey

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S.S. Hello Gorgeous

January 19th, 2010 at 12:12pm Under Celebrity News

sarah jessica parker ugly

I guess when the gingerbread house and the breadcrumb trail don’t have any takers, you’ve got to branch out and drag the kiddies off the city streets yourself. Good on Sarah Jessica Parker for taking a little initiative. It’s the only way for a wicked witch to get anything done these days.

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin Online

Tags: Gossip, old, Sarah Jessica Parker, ugly

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Quotables

December 21st, 2009 at 10:30am Under Celebrity News

“It has taken me three years to decide on the scent because I really like BO and I think it’s sexy. I wanted to figure out a way to make it palatable to everybody. I was like, ‘How do you get BO in a bottle and make an atomiser of it?’ Then it was all about trying to capture the sense of naughtiness in a bottle that it would be good for a man and a woman.”

- Sarah Jessica Parker explains how she developed her new fragrance.

Because don’t we all just want to shower and put on deodorant and then spray something on ourselves that makes it smell like none of that ever happened?

Tags: Sarah Jessica Parker

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Sarah Jessica Parker Groomed Hugh Grant

December 17th, 2009 at 10:24am Under Celebrity News

Sarah Jessica Parker was so bothered by Did You Hear About the Morgans? costar Hugh Grant’s untamed nails that she took it upon herself to be his groomer. Says msnbc.com:

“He’s one of the most dashing men in the world, and I was shocked at the state of his fingernails,” Parker said with a laugh. “He has a ragged shovel that he uses [in] his teeth. And I am exquisitely skilled with a nail clipper.”

She continued, “He did balk, however, when I brought out an anvil and some red-hot horseshoes. I told him not to be scared, there’s no feeling in the hoof. I get my shoes changed all the time! Everyone knows I’m a clothes horse!”

Outside The Late Show with David Letterman:

Tags: Did You Hear About the Morgans?, Gossip, grooming, horse, Hugh Grant, nails, Sarah Jessica Parker

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Style Icon Indeed

December 14th, 2009 at 11:12am Under Celebrity News

Sarah Jessica Parker was very un-Carrie yesterday as she made her way around the West Village running errands with her son. While she doesn’t exactly look like your typical soccer mom here, the color combo up top mixed with the cream colored Ugg boots (is this her first day wearing them? How are they not destroyed from the sidewalks by now?), let’s us know that Sarah Jessica isn’t always as stylish as you’d imagine. If she’d been wearing one of those long down coats, I would have understood this look as her just trying to survive the cold weather. The vest? The vest is a lie of an article of clothing. Nothing’s really getting kept warm with a vest.

Tags: Sarah Jessica Parker

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S.S. Sarah Jessica Parker in Elle Magazine

November 19th, 2009 at 07:49pm Under Celebrity News

sarah-jessica-parker-elle-december-2009-1

Well, look who’s on the cover of next month’s Elle magazine! It’s Carrie Bradshaw, patron saint of wannabe fashionistas everywhere. I guess being perceived as a clotheshorse has really paid off for Sarah Jessica Parker. God knows it has to be better than just being perceived as a regular horse like before. Zing!

In ~~Equistrian Monthly~~ ~~Bridle & Bit~~ the December issue of Elle:

Tags: cover, december 2009, elle, Gossip, magazine, Photos, pictures, Sarah Jessica Parker

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If You Say So, Crazy Smelly Lady

November 6th, 2009 at 04:03pm Under Celebrity News

Sarah Jessica Parker loves the smell of dirty diapers.

No, for realsies. It says so in Us Weekly, and if you can’t trust Us Weekly, then… well actually, you totally can’t trust Us Weekly at all. But Parker did say this:

“I love the smell of diapers,” she tells the December issue of Elle magazine.

Parker has been on double diaper duty after the arrival of her twin daughters Marion Loretta and Tabitha Hodge — who were delivered by a surrogate earlier this year — and she doesn’t mind at all.

“I even like when they’re wet and you smell them all warm like a baked good,” the Sex and the City star, 44, says, adding that she even says she loves “the smell of Balmex,” a diaper rash cream.

Gross. Like a baked good? The hell kinda pastries does this woman eat? Listen, the least disgusting thing that children ever smell of is drool, so this is basically like someone saying their favourite perfume is Eau de Merde. Which… different strokes, I guess, but dayum.

In the December ‘09 issue of Elle Magazine:

Tags: babies, elle magazine, Gossip, poop, Sarah Jessica Parker, Sex and the City, twins

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Quotables

November 6th, 2009 at 11:50am Under Celebrity News

“I love the smell of diapers; I even like when they’re wet and you smell them all warm liked a baked good. I love the smell of Balmex. Love it.”

Sarah Jessica Parker grossing me the fuck out in an Elle magazine interview in which she compares pee to brioche.

Tags: Sarah Jessica Parker

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S.S. Like a Virgin

September 10th, 2009 at 12:14pm Under Celebrity News

sarah jessica parker as madonna

Now you finally have an answer to that old joke: what do you get when you cross Madonna with a horse? No, I meant besides pages 6, 24, and 83-87 of her Sex book (although page 85 is a technically a donkey if you look close enough). The trick is not to interpret the question literally. Then the joke’s not funny at all. Kind of like this post, if you really think about it. Looks like the joke’s on you, suckas!