Jesus Luz got his precious mer-man face doused with Brazilian beer while working the turntables in Rio Sunday night. According to Page Six
Madonna’s boy toy was deejaying at a party when a guest came up and threw beer in his face, saying, “Get out of here, I don’t wanna see your face here anymore!” Luz [then] “went to a corner and started to cry.”
He only finished the gig when four bodyguards were assigned to flank him.
This is boring and faggy and nobody cares, but I had to post it for the title alone. A gem like that doesn’t just fall into your lap like that, you know. All those years of Catholic school must have been leading up to this one shining moment in my life. Passing it up would almost be like spitting in the face of God.
Madge is looking to be a momma again, but after the hullabaloo that went down with her adoption of Mercy, she’s thinking about surrogacy instead.
“Madonna wants another baby of her own, so she’s meeting with a fertility expert to discuss her options,” a source claimed.
“After what Madonna went through during the adoption of Mercy, she is ruling out going back to Malawi. There’s no way she wants to put herself in that position again, where she thought she had the baby, then there were endless delays and red tape.”
The insider added: “She knows it will be tough finding the perfect surrogate to carry her baby, as they will have to be discreet and utterly trustworthy throughout the pregnancy and birth.”
Madge reportedly started considering the idea of surrogacy after talking with Sarah Jessica Parker about her experience. There’s no clear indication of who would be providing the little white and squigglies for this endeavor, but it almost definitely won’t be an immaculate conception as Madonna broke up with longtime boyfriend Jesus earlier this week.
Start sprucing up those uteri gals! You could be the one to pop a pop-star’s progeny out of your pootang, if your womb is deemed worthy.
The light has left Madonna’s life! Jesus Luz has ditched Madonna’s leathery clutch in search of greener, less dried-out pastures. Reports Digital Spy,
Luz allegedly ended his relationship with the 51-year-old singer because of their age difference and busy schedules.
“It not only was totally amicable, but it was Luz who initiated the split,” a source told the Chicago Sun-Times.
According to the report, the 23-year-old Brazilian realised that their lack of mutual interests did not suit a long-term relationship.
Madonna and Luz met at a photoshoot for W magazine in December 2008. They began dating shorty after her divorce from director Guy Ritchie was finalised.
The couple were recently reported to be trying for a baby.
There’s a point in a young man’s life where he realizes that banging a famous old chick is only good for so long before the specter of becoming the next Joe Gillis to Madonna’s Norma Desmond becomes too freaking real. New clothes and every material possession you want is all good and fine until you offend her and she shoots you in the back. Speaking of which, you better watch your back, Jesus! No one ever leaves a staaarrr!
There’s something different about Madonna’s face in this pic on the left from last year’s W Magazine photo shoot. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but if I could, I bet it’d come back smelling like mustache wax and estrogen cream. Bitch looks like an old catcher’s mitt that somebody left out in the rain for six weeks.
Last night, George Clooney cobbled together a phone bank whose average adjusted gross income was higher than Haiti’s combined gross national product in all of the 90’s. The celebrity-manned phone lines and musical performances by Madonna, Beyonce, Justin Timberlake, Taylor Swift, Chris Martin, Bono, Jay-Z, Rihanna and more, pulled in over $16 Million dollars.
Did any of you dial-a-celeb and phone in a donation? If you missed your chance, you can still contribute by preordering any of the songs performed last night on iTunes.
I applaud the stars’ desire to contribute to a good cause, but groaned when Beyonce inserted “Haiti” into her song “Halo.” I can’t stand it when artists insert words from current events willy-nilly into already established hit songs for the purposes of “tribute”. Bastardizing one of your already established hit singles just seems like such a lazy way out. I cringed when Elton John did it with “Candle in the Wind”, and Beyonce sure as shit ain’t no Elton John.
More telethon clips featuring Robert Pattinson and his facial hair, Madonna, JT, Jennifer Hudson, Taylor Swift, and Xtina after the jump.
Editor’s Note: As of this morning, the news services have upgraded the amount of money raised by the telethon to an estimated $57 Million!!
Madonna’s been out of the spotlight for what now, like, forty-five seconds so natch, she has to pull this kind of stunt in order to gain some relevant credibility.
She and ex-husband Sean Penn were spotted yesterday on a three-and-a-half hour siesta that involved eating and drinking and God knows what else. Madonna split with Guy Ritchie last year and Penn’s on-again, off-again divorce was filed this past summer from fellow actress Robin Wright so … do the math. I guess that means it’s high time for another crazy, drug- and alcohol-fueled display of obsessive affection, don’t you?
Brothers Rocco and David Ritchie arrived in London, England this morning to spend the holidays with their father, director Guy Ritchie. David seemed to have something to say to the photographers who were snapping his picture as the family made their way to the car. Perhaps he thought spending sometime with his dad, who is decidedly more low-key than his mother, would be a chance to get away from all the cameras?
Remember how back in the day Madonna was such a big fan of sex that she wrote a whole book about it? These days, the thrill of shoving her sinewy feet into new shoes is so much more gratifying. Says Female First:
Renowned designer Jimmy Choo says the ‘Celebration’ hitmaker - who was previously married to director Guy Ritchie and actor Sean Penn - admitted she loves his creations far more than getting intimate with the men in her life.
He said: “Madonna told me that buying a pair of my shoes is more satisfying than having sex with a man.
“At least you know they are going to last for ever!”
It seems 51-year-old Madonna - who is currently dating model Jesus Luz, 23 - has had a change of attitude to sex since her marriage to Guy ended.
Before their split, she boasted about their “amazing” love life.
She said: “I don’t know who told you that having children and getting married means there is no erotica in your life.
“Our sex life is amazing. But I had to marry someone as tough as me. Guy’s definitely tough. I had to marry a challenge, otherwise I would just get bored. Whatever else Guy is, he’s never boring. He can be intolerant.
Oh yeah, Madonna’s tough all right. The problem is, she’s gotten so tough that screwing her must be like getting a rubdown with 220 grit sandpaper. Rather buy shoes than have sex, indeed.
“There was this really earnest college student with his backpack on who wanted to do his first film, and then Madonna wanted to produce it. I was like, ‘Madonna? I don’t think this is her film. I remember this one producer told me that he had found Precious—and it was going to be Brandy. Excuse me? I literally almost hung up on him.”
Sapphire, the author of Precious, in an Entertainment Weekly interview. Apparently, I’m not the only one who wants to disconnect with people who think Brandy has acting talent or the ability to properly affix false eyelashes.
“There was this really earnest college student with his backpack on who wanted to do his first film, and then Madonna wanted to produce it. I was like, ‘Madonna? I don’t think this is her film. I remember this one producer told me that he had found Precious—and it was going to be Brandy. Excuse me? I literally almost hung up on him.”
Sapphire, the author of Precious, in an Entertainment Weekly interview. Apparently, I’m not the only one who wants to disconnect with people who think Brandy has acting talent or the ability to properly affix false eyelashes.
