Alice Eve and her spectacular rack are the only reasons I can think of to see “She’s Out of My League,” but I don’t want to speak for you here. Who knows? Maybe you found “American Pie 3: The Wedding” the most charming installation of the three and maybe you routinely say things like “You ARE the weakest link. Good-bye!” Anything that keeps you in a dark room away from me for two hours has my blessing. Go knock yourself out, loser.
Whitney Port in a bikini, the only time she’s tolerable. (The Grumpiest)
E!’s Giuliana Rancic dazzles at the Oscars. (UseMyComputer)
Jennifer Love Hewitt will play a prostitute in her next movie. (Hollywood Rag)
Betty White is hosting the May 8th episode of SNL! (Socialite Life)
Jamie Jungers wins 75 grand for having fucked Tiger Woods. Why do I keep missing the gravy train? (Holy Moly)
I’m sure there’s a perfectly good reason Maggie Gyllenhaal is pulling her top down for all to see. (Moe Jackson)
Mario Lopez took enough time between between self-tanning and flexing in front of a mirror to actually impregnate someone. (Wonderwall)
Heidi fires her husband as manager! Is this the beginning of the end of Speidi? Let’s fucking hope so. (Litely Salted)
Why does Marion Cotillard have a pair of tits on her forehead? And more importantly, where can I get some? (Hollywood PQ)
You might not know who Belen Rodriguez, but after seeing these pics of her in a thong bikini, your penis will thank you anyway. Trust. (Dirty Rotten Whore)
Tim Burton’s “Alice in Wonderland” is cool to look at, but it’s got no soul. Kinda like Kim Kardashian. (Pajiba)
See the dirty pics that got city councilman Scott Janke fired. (The Dirty)
Olivia Wilde looks sexy as hell in the new Tron trailer. (Celebrity Odor)
Conan O’Brien’s going on tour, and here are the dates! (Celebrity Smack)
As much as I hate and despise Kim Kardashian, I’ll be the first to admit she’s got an unbelievable body. If God could some how strike her deaf and mute, she’d be the perfect woman. But New Testament God isn’t down with vengeance the way Old Testament God was, unless you count Lindsay Lohan as a plague. I think we all would have preferred the frog rain and a river of blood.
Jennifer Aniston and her “The Bounty Hunter” co-star Gerard Butler did a sweaty desert shoot for next month’s W Magazine, and from what I can tell, Jennifer is supposed to be the prostitute and Gerard the john in the pictorial. Like in this picture, where she’s counting the cash, and then this one, where she’s being hauled away by the cops. In real life, Jennifer would never waste valuable time counting money. She’d be too busy scouring the seats for any residual semen that she could scrape into a test tube and take to a lab. I guess the photographers at W Magazine were going for a tongue-in-cheek kinda thing.
Jessica Simpson was on “The Late Show” with David Letterman last night, presumably to talk about her new show “The Price of Beauty,” but of course she spent most of the time talking about the men who’d dumped her and being fat. Well, technically, she didn’t as much talk about being fat as she did wear a dress that made her look like the broad side of a Mack truck, so I assume she was trying to broach the subject tastefully. They say a picture is worth a thousand words. That probably translates to about a hundred and sixty pounds, give or take, if you could actually weigh them.
Amy Winehouse is all set to remarry ex-husband Blake Fielder Civil (whom she divorced in September of last year) and start having children — she’s even gone as far as to purchase a new home in Camden that’s roomy enough for a whole litter of crack babies. The Daily Mail says
Winehouse, 26, is referring to the £2.5million pad as ‘our new home’, with a source saying: ‘She picked the new pad because it is big enough to be a family home.’
The Sun reported Amy as saying she was engaged to 27-year-old Fielder-Civil once more and that they ‘definitely want kids’.
It’s believed they will marry as soon as Winehouse’s U.S. visa application is approved.
For those wishing to send gifts, Amy and Blake are registered at Marlboro.com, MedicalWholesaleSyringes.com, and the Jack Daniels distillery in Lynchburg, Tennessee. They ask that you send cash or crack rocks in lieu of china or stemware. Congratulations to the happy couple!
The geniuses over at Harper’s Bazaar axed this magnificent picture of Megan Fox on all fours in a swimsuit, but kept this one of her dressed like fucking The Karate Kid doing yoga in their April issue instead. Makes perfect sense… if you’re gay. Not since the Pontiac Aztek and “Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot” have such bad ideas been forced on an unsuspecting public.
Demi Moore is the classic “cool mom” — dating a guy fifteen years her junior, wearing hip designer clothes, and publicly teaching her daughters how to strip at a Hollywood party. All my stupid mom ever did was make brownies. According to Page Six
Demi Moore gave daughter Rumer Willis a pole-dancing lesson at a party at the Chateau Marmont hotel. A partygoer [said] that the “Striptease” star “even spun around the pole upside down.” Then Rumer gave it a whirl as Ashton Kutcher, Jennifer Aniston and Leonardo DiCaprio cheered her on. “Everyone was cheering, and Leo gave Ashton a high-five,” the source added.
I bet it was pretty easy for Rumer to swing around the pole once she really got going. When you’ve gathered up enough speed with a head that big, inertia kinda takes over and does its thing for you. There’s a lot of complex physics and kinematics involved in having a melon the size of Texas. If Einstein were still alive today, he’d probably have written a whole book about it.
Demi practicing her mothering skills in Striptease:
I bet in a pinch, you could use Mo’Nique’s calves like an industrial-sized Brillo pad to scour pots and pans. And if that didn’t work, you could always try the other end, because it’s pretty obvious she’s never met any form of grease she didn’t like. 409 and Palmolive better watch their backs, because this chick’s a regular double threat.
