Boobs

Lindsay Lohan Mostly Naked in Purple Magazine

March 5th, 2010 at 10:09am Under Celebrity News

Photographer Terry Richardson looks like he should be on a street corner in a wheelchair with a bottle of whiskey and recurring Nam flashbacks (see him here in this creepy pic with the whole Lohan family) but he has somehow managed to convince the women he shoots to take off their clothes in the name of “art.” Don’t get me wrong here; I’m not arguing objectification. Objectify and hyper-sexualize all you want. What I’m arguing against is the masquerading of objectification as art. Don’t dip a turd in frosting and tell me it’s a goddamn cupcake. Because now I make sure to really smell all desserts before I actually bite into them. That’s one mistake I won’t make twice!

S.S. Boob Off: Sofia Vergara vs Dita Von Teese

March 4th, 2010 at 10:23pm Under Celebrity News

When you’re faced with jugs this spectacular, the only logical choice is a good ol’ fashioned boob-off. Now, I can’t tell you what a boob-off entails per se, but I assume there’s a lot of baby oil and squeezing and maybe a squirt gun full of cold water. To be honest, no one’s ever accepted my boob-off challenge before. They usually start yelling at me to put my shirt back and threaten to call the cops again. Fucking haters.

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer Griffin Online, Pacific Coast News

Do Not Adjust Your Screens

March 3rd, 2010 at 10:05am Under Celebrity News

No, this isn’t the work of some junior high boy with Photoshop, and there’s nothing wrong with your monitor. It’s more like the work of a plastic surgeon without the word “No” in his vocabularly. Porn actress Mary Carey’s chest looks like some little cartoon dude attached a bicycle pump to her boobs and went to town. What’s funny is that without her boobs, she’d pretty much be straight up and down. She really doesn’t have any hips and her waist isn’t very defined, even though she’s very thin. I guess in order to make it in porn she had to bolt those balloons to her chest. Well the good news is, if she’s ever in a car accident, she carries her own frontal protection.

Arriving at Katsuya:

Lady Gaga is See-Through. Again.

March 2nd, 2010 at 08:58am Under Celebrity News

That’s either a really stupid fucking hat, or Lady Gaga has one of the worst cases of cauliflower ear I’ve ever seen. On the plus side, with all that shit obstructing her vision, there’s always a good chance she’ll get hit by a bus crossing the street. We must never let go of that hope, brothers and sisters.

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer Griffin Online, Pacific Coast News

S.S. Alessandra Ambrosio is See-Through

February 25th, 2010 at 12:34pm Under Celebrity News

These pictures of Alessandra Ambrosio may or may not be new. Regardless (and irregardless), I’m putting them up, because they have bare bottom and see-through nipples. I mean, you can see through to her nipples. Her nipples themselves aren’t see-through. You know, in case you thought you were gonna get a look inside her thoracic cavity by means of transparent areola. And if that’s the case, you should probably take off the ladies’ undergarments and get back to dismembering your neighbor before she starts to smell. Fuckin weirdo.

Lady Gaga in Q Magazine

February 25th, 2010 at 09:52am Under Celebrity News

I’m not sure why Lady Gaga’s wielding a big black strap-on on the cover of Q Magazine. Maybe it was just laundry day and her real penis was in the wash. It probably gets dirty getting tucked back into her ass crack all the time.

Charlie Sheen, Wife, Children in Rehab

February 24th, 2010 at 10:17am Under Celebrity News

charlie sheen rehab

Now that his wife Brooke Mueller checked herself into rehab earlier this month, Charlie Sheen decided to follow suit and check himself into rehab yesterday. But not the same rehab, because that might be awkward. According to TMZ

Charlie Sheen voluntarily checked himself into rehab and there was “no one big thing that happened that made him go.”

Charlie will spend two weeks in rehab. He will get outpatient treatment once he checks out.

So if he’s in rehab, and his wife is in rehab, then who’s watching the kids? Um, probably the drug counselors, because the kids are also in rehab:

Charlie Sheen’s wife, Brooke Mueller, currently has the couple’s two children at the rehab facility she’s at.

Mueller’s rehab facility allows children, and Brooke’s kids are with her right now.

Ah. I see. It might be too soon in their young lives for the kiddies to ride a bike without training wheels or use the big kid swings on the playground, but it’s never too early to voluntarily incarcerate them bunch of alcoholics and drug addicts consumed with sexual issues. My stupid parents did it all wrong.

And now old pics of Marisa Miller topless. because her body hasn’t been ravaged by crack cocaine and whiskey bloat (all thumbs NSFW):

S.S. Ken Paves Cops a Feel on Jessica Simpson

February 23rd, 2010 at 01:34pm Under Celebrity News

jessica simpson boob grab

Ken Paves demonstrates the best way to help “escort” a lady to the door in a crowded venue: breast-first. Gets ‘em every time. Whereas if you’re a girl, I recommend the “tugboat whistle” approach, where you “escort” your man through the room penis-first. Remember, two short blasts followed by a long one means “come on already,” while two long, one short indicates that you wish to pass an approaching maritime vessel on the starboard side. And that really doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, now does it? Let’s just try to stay focused here, ladies

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News

Kim Kardashian Works Some Serious Cleavage

February 19th, 2010 at 09:59am Under Celebrity News

kim kardashian tits

You know, so much time is spent focused on Kim Kardashian’s ass that we often totally forget about her rack. It’s a real shame, but it’s goddamn spectacular. I guess sometimes you can’t see the forest for the trees. Probably because Kim’s enormous ass is usually blocking your view.

At Katsuya in Los Angeles last night:

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News

Tags: boobs, breasts, cleavage, Gossip, kim kardashian, Photos, pictures, tits

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Mischa Barton Has Boobs, Blonde Hair

February 17th, 2010 at 02:16pm Under Celebrity News

mischa barton boobs

At least Mischa Barton finally did something right with that extra twenty pounds she’s put on. It looks a whole lot better stuffed in a push-up bra than it did dripping down the down the backside of her thighs. It’s a real improvement any way you slice it. And this time, I’m actually not just talking bologna logs and cheesecake.